Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
