i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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