Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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