thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
