I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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