I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
