I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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