well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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