Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
smell my finger.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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