you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize