Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
