Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
