ya dads aren't the best wingmen
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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