Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
