How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize