Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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