do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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