In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
