Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
