went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
