there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
