Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
