Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
