working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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