He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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