You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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