super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
