shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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