the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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