i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
