i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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