Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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