What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize