No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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