We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
