yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
