a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize