So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize