My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
