Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
