I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
