So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
