i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
