I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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