Fuck appropriateness.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
