Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
me + whiskey = a bad person
My ass is underappreciated
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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