just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
