If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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