woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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