I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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