Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
