so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
