Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
