I hate your face
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
