The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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