it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
only you would photoshop your dick
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
