wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
