shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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