Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
