Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
