If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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