Where did you get a picture of my penis
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
