Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
