Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
