I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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