I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
