his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
