Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
