Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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