if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
