I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
