I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
