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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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